Welcome to JTC Inc.

Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Four Years On The Fake Corporate Calendar

Hello, friends.

It won't come as a surprise to many people (apart from, perhaps, the billions of people that don't read this blog), that 2009 was not a banner year for JTC. I mean, if we include what I'm currently writing, we only had 14 posts this year. Compare that to the stretch of 2006 - 2008, when our worst year was 45 posts, and our best was 55, and you can see there was a wee bit of a 'gap' there.

Not to worry, I'm sure we're going to pick things up in 2010. I mean, it's a whole new decade! The possibilities are endless.

Well, here we are at the end of another year on the corporate calendar, and as per my annual custom, I am proud to present the email sign-offs that my fellow JTC members and I have shared throughout the year. If - like me - you agree that this is some funny, funny shit, I thoroughly encourage you to check out the 2006, 2007, and 2008 versions.

Anyway - on with the show:

Tacking on a couple hundred to what you owe me will also make it seem like ‘free money’,
Case of the Mondays,
I’m sure you’re no stranger to needing to give your ass a break,
Make it so, number 1,
I originally wrote, “I’ve gotta be out of her by 4:30pm”, which sounds pretty dirty,
I am a cunt,
You’re a cunt,
You had me at “alcohol permitted”,
Ruby just puked on me, and I couldn't be happier not to be at work,
And Fokker I did!,
Dropping f-bombs like I’m in the Luftwaffe, flying over London in 1940/41,
‘Toot-toot’ goes my own horn,
Toonces - look out!,
Firing at innocent bystanders,
I’ll be in the bathroom swinging from a noose if you’re looking for me,
I wonder if the smell of the tulip fields will bother her,
I’m calling you a cougar,
What I’m trying to say is “I don’t like you”,
Your favorite luddite,
Considering starting my weekend now, by riding the subway home with no shirt on,
None of our usual clipart – nuclear explosion, gun to head, or donkey – can sum up my thoughts on this matter,
While hindsight may provide you with 20/20 vision, it doesn’t provide the cool shit that a poorly thought out spending spree does,
I’m thinking of signing up for Ironman China, just so I can write “yellow fever” in the “pre-existing medical conditions” section of the application form,
It’s not racist if I’m saying I like them,
Realizing I’m starting to sound like a psychopath,
Hey guy who is going through our emails after firing us: how was this one?,
It’s probably because I’m totally racist,
Deflecting work and delegating it up (her) like a pro,
Still don't think he knows my name,
Alcohol - its that cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems,
Asshole by association,
GFY you fucking Path expert,
And by "relax" I mean "train for one of the longest endurance races you'll ever run",
My whole life revolves around Superman and cereal,
I am in your head,
On Saturday evening, I was so desperate for a beer that I drove to the liquor store, and specifically bought a six pack from the “chilled” section,
I want to shoot myself,
Shooting up the CAAT,
Good thing I know that you’re a fucking idiot,
Bavarian nachos? Sounds sexual,
Make sure you say hi to my favorite band Beer Garden,
Fucking fuckity fuck fuck,
You’re probably thinking, “There’s got to be more to life”. Well – there isn’t,
You just wrote that fucking email so you could pad the annual signoff list, you slick bastard,
She might shoot you in the head,
Not sexist or racist,
He’s HER boy,
I’m just trying to bulk up the JTC 2009 sign off list? You’re fucking crazy,
And by, “it’s all good” I mean, “these ignorant buffoons will likely do a horrendous job”,
Besides, other than this permanently archived, easily accessible email thread, no one can prove you knew anything,
Where the hell is the ethics hotline number,
You're fucking right I'm filling up your 'JTC '09 sign-offs' folder,
And by "it's a language barrier", I mean "he's a fucking idiot",
Shower rape,
We have a blog?,
Karma Kramer,
I doubt there is anyone over 50 in Scotland who has their original liver,
Going to wait to tell you I might not be able to make it next Thursday,
Not violently angry at all,
Friday is Hawaiian shirt day,
Today I woke up and asked myself “Is This Good for the Company?”,
I prefer high-balling,
It’s actually SARS/Ebola,
Germans are to canines as hookers are to cocaine,
"Hot Canine/Drinking/German Action",
And squeeze your ass,
If we have very little left to live for, at least we have hilarious signoffs,
I pretty much had sex with my dog trying to keep warm,

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

We're Not Dead!

Seriously - we're not dead. But thanks for all the concern. BTW - I love the comments on the last post. One from my boy Pete, three expressing mild concern/outrage over our extreme lack of activity, and one from an obviously concerned reader who also happens to have a lot of extra Viagra.

So - back to not being dead...In fact, we actually made it out to complete one of our incredibly awesome pub crawls last night. For those who are interested, the route was the 'Reverse Danforth', mainly because Coco was horny for it.

Unfortunately, we didn't take the notebook with us, because some asshole keeps losing it. So we didn't write down any of our great ideas from the night, but it's totally cool, because I can remember all of them. There was one where we showed how awesome JTC is doing as a company by comparing our 'profit' curve (a flat line in the vicinity of $0.00) with those of GM and Chrysler. Hilarious!

Other great ideas included....uh...hmmmm...

More updates as events warrant. But I'm hopeful it won't be a 4-5 month gap. We here at JTC love you too much to put you through that.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Also, it is cool as shit.

Just a quick one: I've been shopping for a cheap pair of wheels and this ad made me shit my pants, so I thought I'd share it. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Holy. Shit. (That's right - the LCBO may go on strike)

Due to being incredibly uninformed, I sometimes must rely on our commenters to provide me with important information. Such as the potential for a strike by the wonderful people who sell me wine and hard liquor at the LCBO!

When I learned of this, I tried to remain calm, and looked around on the web for other sources of information. I must have mis-typed something, as I ended up on the CP24 website, where I came across the following photo attached to a story regarding the impending strike:

OH MY GOD! People are already lining up outside stores! I considered grabbing my sleeping bag, and camping outside the nearest LCBO. Then I took a closer look at the picture. It's a tad hot here in Toronto these days for down jackets and toques, no? Then I read the tagline:

"Patrons line up to get into an LCBO outlet as others leave in Mississauga, Ont. on Monday, December 31, 2007"

That's just some good, solid, non-hysteria-inducing journalism.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Johnny M's Quick Hits 2

After what can only be described as an over-whelming reaction to my first version of "Quick Hits", I felt compelled to hit that again:

1) There's a city-wide strike going on here in Toronto, and shockingly I have yet to comment on how fantastic this "anarchist asshole" thinks that is. Sorry about that. We here at JTC love a good strike, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling this one. Perhaps it's the lack of hysteria from our friends at CityTV. Or perhaps it's because the prospect of the city stinking of garbage isn't too appetizing.

Or - more likely - it's because now I can't go swimming because all the pools are shut down. When you're training for an ironman triathlon, that's a bit of a pain. Of course, I'm fairly resourceful, so I think that I'll start swimming down in Lake Ontario. Unfortunately, one of the city services that is not currently being offered is water quality testing for our beaches. As I mentioned to a friend regarding swimming in the lake:

Pro: Schedule flexibility
Con: Fecal contamination

That reminds me of a presentation a class-mate of mine made in university regarding olestra - the "non-fat fat" that makes food taste good, but contains a fat that your body can't absorb. One of the "cons" she listed on her Powerpoint presentation was "anal leakage". As another class-mate yelled, "That's a pretty big con!"

2) This Father's Day, there was a lot of great advice and information being shared around my family table. My nephew made some comment about someone "kicking the bucket", which led to this representative exchange:

My Dad: "Now, 'kicking the bucket' is an interesting expression. Of course, it means 'to die', but its origin is actually from someone committing suicide. You see, when they have the noose tied around their neck, they prop themselves up on top of a bucket, and when they're ready, they 'kick the bucket' away."

Me: "That's just some fascinating, age-appropriate trivia."

My brother: "You realize the kid is 6, right Dad?"

3) Want to make your awards show totally irrelevant? Make Nickelback the big winner.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Shock and Awesome

As you know, we've written several times about Shitty TV's habit of rabidly pumping up the fear-o-meter in their "newscasts". Today, BlogTO.com pointed to a hilarious fake twitter account posing as Anne Mroczkowski, one of the fear-monger anchors at City.

If you've seen City's newscasts, it's a pretty fucking hilarious mockery. Some of my fave tweets include:

"Rain is falling but more than just water falls from the sky. Tonight I examine the various ways you can die from things falling from the sky"

"Not everything you think of as a vegetable is one. Tonight I reveal which are secretly fruits in disguise. More than meets the eye. News @ 6"

"Tonight at six I'll reveal which kitchen utensil can be living a deadly secret life as a potential deadly weapon in the wrong hands."

Keep up the good work fake Anne Mroczkowski!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Periods: Now only found at the end of sentences.

A while back SNL did a great parody commercial called “Annuale”. It's a hilarious bit about a birth control pill that allows you to reduce ragtime ruckus to once a year. At the time, I thought poking fun at the pharmaceutical industry’s chase of completely unnecessary drugs that allow us to control every basic bodily function was hilarious.

As it turns out, it's also insanely accurate; The product development team at Duramed Pharmaceuticals is evidently spending a lot of their R&D time watching SNL, given they just released their version called “Seasonique”.

Granted, Seasonique requires kitty to have a quarterly instead of yearly nosebleed, still, waiting four months for a visit from Aunt Flow would be pretty darn interesting. I don’t know about you ladies, but if my uterine wall was constantly building up and required shedding, I’d like to do that in small, perhaps monthly batches. Just like I don’t think I’d be interested in taking a bowel movement suppressant and shitting a turkey every two months.

Anyways, for those of you out there tired of riding the cotton cowboy with your wounded clam, Duramed has the answer! Grab yourself a batch of Seasonique, and then go to a store, buy a hat, and get ready to hold the fuck on to it.

And don't forget to make out with your dog.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

They Couldn't Have Published This Yesterday?

Looks like I jumped the gun on our hysteria-inducing friends at http://www.cp24.com/:

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Because You Can't Spell "Pandemic" Without "Panic"

We here at JTC love a little bit of media hysteria, and unless you've been living under a rock, you're well aware of the fact that we're all about to die of swine flu. As previously documented, we're also huge fans of graphics accompanying media hysteria. Hell - who can forget the fantastic Toronto Transit Commission wildcat strike of '06?

Expecting to find all sorts of shit on the internet, I went trolling around to look for hilarious swine flu graphics. Amazingly, I found nothing. Nothing! I mean, is it really too much to ask for at least one picture of a pig wearing a surgical mask? Or some sort of "Swine Watch!" graphic? Apparently so. Being the industrious type that I am, and realizing that it's probably a matter of days before I see nut jobs on the subway wearing surgical masks, I decided to combine my love of the TTC with my raw terror regarding swine flu, and came up with the following:

I know, it's awesome. I also found this:

That's just bad parenting - that kid is probably dead already.

More updates as events warrant.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Top of the goose… TO YOU!!!

We’ve all heard that Canada Geese populations in some areas of the country have grown substantially, so much so that many now consider them pests, mainly due to their getting in the way of our planes and constant shitting. All those turds are running off directly into the lake, closing beaches. And when the beaches are able to open, the concentration of fecal coliforms (“shit”) in the water is leading to skin irritation, sometimes referred to as “swimmer’s itch” (which I’ve never heard of before, but I’m assuming is something like “athlete’s foot”, or “masturbator’s hand”).

Canadian senator Nancy Ruth (oh yeah, Canada has senators that aren’t professional hockey players by the way) noticed there was more than a handful of the shit hawks around her summer home and devised a fabulous three step plan to get rid of the geese:

1. Make it legal to shoot and kill Canada geese.
2. Shoot and kill them.

I know, you're already blown away by steps one and two, and we're not even on to step three yet. You think those two steps alone would be an effective population check, right? Genius? Stop right there? Sure they would. But now you’re stuck with piles and piles of dead geese. Damn. Wait - Canada goose meat is delicious! (I think). And I know the poor need cheap eats. Old Nancy connected the dots with step three:

3. Feed the dead geese to the poor.

Applause! Outstanding work. Feed them to the poor! Why the hell didn't I think of that? You know what... this is all great stuff Nancy, but why stop here? You've got me going now; Think of the other excellent programs we could put in place. Our eateries for the down and out could be whipping up other pest species into delicious meals! Why throw roadkill in the dump when you could shave off the salvageable parts and drop it off at the local soup kitchen?

Seriously now, I don’t want to get all Rebecca Demore on you Nancy, but this all sounds a lot like Elaine’s muffin stump disposal fiasco. You see, unfortunately just because people are poor doesn’t mean we can get them to eat shit that we don’t want to eat. I know, it’s unfair.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Flogging A Dead Horse

After what can only be described as an overwhelming response to Wednesday's e-mail exchange post, I decided to show the creativity of a manufactured pop-star, and just do it again.

The topic of today's exchange was a lunch reservation that CoCo made for the JTC Board and our graphophobic stenographer for February 27th.

One thing to note here: between my apparent disdain evident below for this "culture differences" workshop, and Wednesday's comment about migrant farm workers, the thought occurs that I may be starting to look like a big, big racist. Rest assured that I love everyone from all backgrounds and ethnicities. Except for the fucking Dutch.

On with the show:

From: JohnnyM
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:21 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

Dude! On Friday, February 27th, we’re in that fucking “cultural differences” workshop until noon. Looks like we’ll have to leave for an important meeting around 11:20…

Sit near the door,
Johnny M


From: CoCo
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:23 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

Dude! I totally saw that before I booked and thought “The restaurant only has 11:30 available, eh? Well, I really want to go to lunch on Friday at 11:30, but that would conflict with the last half hour of a cultural differences workshop. What should I do?”

It was a really tough decision. Really tough.

Yeah – we both have an 11:30 meeting if for some reason we can’t just get up and leave without needing to say anything.


From: JohnnyM
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:25 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

I can’t believe you just arbitrarily decided that I was going to miss the last 30 minutes of what will likely be a terrific workshop without even asking me!

Great decision,
Johnny M

From: CoCo
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:26 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

In a fast-paced business like JTC, we need quick and decisive action or we simply won’t be competitive.

We also need some fucking blog posts,

From: JohnnyM
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:27 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

I totally agree.

Competitive with who?,
Johnny M

From: CoCo
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:27 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

Others in the same business as us.


From: JohnnyM
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:28 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

Right – of course. Two minor follow-up questions:

1) What business is that?
2) Who else is in it?
Johnny M

From: CoCo
Sent: Friday, February 13, 2009 1:29 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Winterlicious

1) The business we work towards every day with the expert staff at JTC.
2) All of JTC’s competitors.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Why We Haven't Posted Anything In Almost A Month

CoCo and I were emailing each other today about some upcoming concerts here in Toronto, includuing one involving the band, "Los Campesinos!" The following email trail followed, which I think sums up our work ethic (or lack thereof). Two things to note:

1) Check out the time stamps on these emails - we're really working our asses off over here.
2) My apologies to any migrant farm workers

Here you go:

From: JohnnyM
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:34 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Concerts

Yeah - Los Campesinos! are pretty good. Strangely, they appear to be an indie/punk outfit from Wales, as opposed to migrant farm workers.



From: CoCo
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:36 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Concerts

Yeah – lots of bands these days have what you would expect to be descriptive names about their origins, but are not even close – a lot to do with Canada (“Of Montreal”, from Georgia, and “Boards of Canada”, from Scotland). That would be a good blog entry – guess the band’s origin with multiple choice.



From: JohnnyM
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:39 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Concerts

We have a blog?



From: CoCo
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:40 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Concerts

If we did, that would be a hell of an entry.



From: JohnnyM
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:41 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Concerts

Action items:

1. Write this proposed article – CoCo
2. Find this theoretical blog – JohnnyM


From: CoCo
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:42 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Concerts

Great summary. One change: switch the accountabilities.



From: JohnnyM
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:42 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Concerts

Agreed – we’ll switch things up so that I find the blog, and you write the article.



From: CoCo
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:43 PM
To: JohnnyM
Subject: RE: Concerts

You’ve got it – one more tweak to the plan (you writing the article, me finding the blog), and I think we’re there.



From: JohnnyM
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:45 PM
To: CoCo
Subject: RE: Concerts

Right on. I’ve incorporated your feedback, and re-written the plan:

1. Write this proposed article – CoCo
2. Find this theoretical blog – JohnnyM



From: CoCo
To: JohnnyM
Sent: Feb 11, 2009 2:49 PM
Subject: RE: Concerts

Job well done! Your re-write is excellent, and will be further enhanced by your solid plan to assign all accountabilities to “JohnnyM”. I can’t wait to see the finished product. Making incredible progress like this in such a short time is really what differentiates JTC from our competitors.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Three Years On The Fake Corporate Calendar

As everyone has been eagerly anticipating, I proudly present to you my annual post, featuring my favourite JTC e-mail sign-offs for the year. For your reference, here are the 2006 and 2007 versions. This year, I received close to 3500 emails from my fellow JTC board members (although we seem to have a little data integrity issue – I’m missing a big chunk of emails from late-August/early-September – hmmmm….), and have pared that down to list my favourite 145 sign-offs.

Before we get to that though, I thought I would provide you with something that I don’t usually include: context. You see, I’ve found what I consider to be quite possibly the best e-mail sign-off of all time, and I want to make sure that as many peeps as possible get to enjoy it. Here’s an e-mail that Co-Co sent us, when we were discussing the relative merits of the line-ups at the Coachella and Bonnaroo music festivals:

They announced their lineup (http://www.bonnaroo.com/). There is a mix of good stuff (Pearl Jam) and total shit (Metallica), but overall, after reading it I’m happy with our choice of Coachella. Apart of course from missing the chance to see my heroes, “Lez Zepplin”.

Picturing a bunch of girls kissing in the cockpit of a rigid, hydrogen-filled airship,

That is 100% solid GOLD, my friends.

If any of you are interested in knowing the context of any of our other sign-offs, let me know in the comments, and I’ll look it up.

Without further ado, here are the other 144 sign-offs:

You should have children - you're quite breathtaking,
Technically no longer a man,
*hand making jerking off motion*,
Take your shirt off,
To shit on your bathroom floor,
It’s a world full of cunts,
It’s Frisbee golf,
My first hour of the day has been spent planning how I’m leaving an hour early,
That wasn’t even funny - now I’m emailing for no reason at all,
Eagerly awaiting your outraged response,
Where the hell is that blow job,
Glad I’ve got nothing else to do except for documenting my team’s idiocy,
Not dumbing it down for some mass audience,
Not sexual,
I know – it sounds awesome,
I hope by ‘fresh, new look’ they mean ‘golden tee live machines’,
I do all the work around here,
"Just the butlers!",
Pretty sure we’re the only people here not speaking yiddish,
Working for my fake company is much better than my real company,
I'd choose a homeless man (with no internet connection) over her,
Lord of the Idiots,
Just realized I’m an alcoholic,
I foresee no issuesTM,
Let me know if you have any more atoms that need splitting,
I would have been there, but I have better shit to be doing with my time,
That’s where they murder gringo-Canadians, isn’t it?,
Bunch of savages in this town,
Irish multiple births association,
A brassiere is supportive - I want answers,
I liked your vigorous use of soap in the shower this morning,
That’s just good, high quality stalking,
Someone who gives you something, then asks for it back,
Coffee whore,
It’s all chaff,
*slamming fist on table*,
Money – I love it,
Sort of like getting blood from a stone,
Yellow fever,
“Lick the Bag”,
Is it us?,
Am a total alcoholic now,
IT band,
Do it anyways,
I just want the drinks,
Great paper pushing!,
I love you,
Why is everybody so down on PAL?,
It up her,
THAT baby,
I’ll take my baby to the concert,
No idea what I’m talking about,
Alarm bells? Ringing,
Totally cheese loading,
Baby bonanza,
She’s into it!,
Check AND mate,
Hot steaming regards,
I am too old for this shit,
Going to go shoot myself,
Oh snap,
You get in the mood,
You couldn’t pick him out of a lineup,
I'm drinking anyways,
Sweet Alcohol sweat,
Frolfing it up her,
Going to steal a box of ball point pens,
Toothpaste riots,
The Only – I could live there, if not for my need for gainful employment, the social stigma attached to being in a bar constantly, and the associated liver disease,
Fucking kill me now,
When I ran out of toilet paper,
*counting fingers* Fuck, fuck,…fuck, fuck, fuck,
Hope you haven’t shot yourself,
Just answer the question,
Just fix the glitch,
Good luck with your layoffs - I hope your firings go really well,
He’s less than 5 feet away from me and actually asked me something while I typed this,
I think naming their band “Afro-American youth” would’ve been more sensitive,
You’re such a girl,
Yes we should,
The cup is round, the mug is round,
Pump her,
Loving the potted plants analogies,
Mensa convention,
Was someone told? If not, tell them,
But is it good for the (fake) company,
I am a total slacker,
Fucking hell – do I ever need a drink,
I’d like a t-shirt that says “I’m rarer than the endangered Panda”,
Haven’t been this irate at work in a while,
Can’t wait to get back to the whoring,
You’re on notice,
Still haven’t made a cent on Adsense,
I’m sort of hungover,
Stink face,
Hunting out of season, or without a license is considered...,
Your stupid,
Thread gayness increasing with every note,
Going below and within,
Oval? Fucking useless,
I'm so damn popular,
My favourite part of the meeting was when you gave me $123,
Titty show,
It's all about the shitting in the bedding,
Dogs talking people barking,
The Eastern Canadian Qualifier: It’s like the Olympic Games, but more important,
Do you have any spare rocks? I seem to have thrown all of mine,
I was born ready,
Jumping onto a bicycle without a seat would also be less painful,
I am definitely going to hell,
Abandon ship!,
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you sour son of a bitch,
This is what it will be like when we win the lottery,
Horse shit. Get your horse shit here,
I bet everything was closed out properly, and we’re on track,
In summary: If getting pants-shitting drunk is wrong, I don’t want to be right,
I have literally done no work today,
I can smell the Yangtze on your breath,
Totally work-place appropriate,
You’re trash,
Good use of “you fools”,
The problem with being better than everyone else is that some people think you’re pretentious,
I think I caught your general malaise,
Rubik’s cubes! They’re the new “Crap Circles”,
Don’t forget the fucking notebook,
Trying to tuck into my bed under my desk,
You know how to take the reservation, you just don't know to hold the reservation,
I don't eat babies,
Don't you quit on me,
*This* is what I should be paid for,
At least I know who my real friends and/or attorneys are,
Like during urination,
Tell him I'll be IN MY OFFICE!,
I am old dammit,
Menopause out loud,
It’s a fucking tightrope,
Choking on the red tape,
There’s nothing better than the smell of cat urine to put you in the Christmas mood,

Friday, January 09, 2009

The birth of the ridiculous design of the escalator at the TTC’s Christie subway station: A historical reenaction

Sometime in the mid sixties at TTC headquarters, the Christie station designer and his boss meet…

“Hey – just looked over your drawings for the new Christie TTC station – great job.”

“Thanks boss, I feel really good about that one. Nice location too, people will walk out the front doors looking directly into the park.”

“Yeah, that’s one of my favorite parts. Hey, one thing though, I think you forgot an escalator from the mid-level to street-level.”

(scans drawings madly) “Holy crap, you’re right! Can’t believe I missed that!”

“We’ll need an escalator there for people who have trouble walking up stairs.”

“Okay, I’m on it. Now what kind of people are you talking about? Disabled people who can’t walk?”

“Not really, there are elevators for people in wheelchairs and stuff. I’m just talking about people who can walk, but have trouble with stairs.”

“How much trouble? Like they can’t even walk up a couple of stairs?”

“No, no - they just have trouble walking up a flight of stairs, especially the long flights typically found in subway stations. It’s not like they can’t walk up a couple of stairs.”

“Ok, I think I got it. Design an escalator for people who get tired if they walk up too many stairs, but are ok walking up a few stairs.”

“You got it.”