Watch Out!

We here at JTC are huge fans of watches. And no, I'm not talking about Swiss time keeping pieces (although we are a big fan of both the Swiss and their currency) - I'm talking about when something is considered so "news-worthy" that it gets it's own "watch" on the evening news. As luck would have it, these watches usually come packaged with their own graphics and theme music.







I know you've all seen these - if you troll around the net long enough, it's not difficult to find all sorts of this shit, be it a "Storm Watch", "Hurricane Watch", "Disease Watch", "Gas Watch", "Stock Watch", "Britney Watch", or what have you.



However, what we really love - and what seems to grip our beloved city of Toronto every few years - is the threat of a public transit strike by the Toronto Transit Commission. Who can forget the fantastic Wildcat Strike of '06 when we all found out how important wild felines are to the smooth operation of our transit infrstructure? Shit - we loved it so much that we here at JTC came up with our own graphic for that one.




Well, with another TTC strike appearing imminent, our fear-mongering friends at CityTV ("How simple household items CAN KILL YOUR CHILDREN! Coming up, after sports and weather") have come up with a fresh, updated strike watch graphic




I can't wait to see what happens. Truth be told - even though two thirds of the JTC Board of Directors rely on the TTC to get to our...uh....real jobs - I wouldn't mind if there was a strike. I enjoy seeing people being put out of their comfort zones and realizing that maybe walking/biking to work wouldn't kill them. Also, I'm a big fan of general civil unrest. Throw in an Olympic Torch protest with a TTC strike, and I might just be in heaven, comrades.

Random Thoughts

So - we've been back from Coachella for over a week, and haven't posted anything - our bad. Turns out that our "real jobs" are actually keeping us all pretty damn "busy". That's okay though - here's a random listing of shit I feel like talking about:

1) The Fucking Toronto Transit Strike

We've gone on and on about how a strike by the Toronto Transit Commission would be pretty damn cool. The union insisted that they would give at least 48 hours notice before going on strike, so we should be fine to leave town for a weekend to go to California, no? No. Those fuckers went on strike, ignoring the 48 hours notice promise, and we were in Cali, unable to enjoy the hysteria. By the time we were back, all transit was once again running smoothly.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.



2) Best T-Shirt Seen At Coachella

While we saw a ton of great t-shirts at Coachella, the one with this graphic was hands-down our favourite:

3) This Deserved A Pair Of Bad Idea Jeans

So there we were, 4am on a Monday morning, driving the rental car back to LA, and we needed to fill it up with gas. I spotted a station, and pulled off the highway. The following conversation ensued:

CoCo: "If we get shot, this was your idea."
JohnnyM: "Don't be silly. I'm not getting out of the car. You are."

What followed was fucking bizarre. I got out of the car, to try to pump the gas. A car immediately pulls up beside me, and some woman gets out, offering to sell me a pair of "high-end car jacks". I then notice her vehicle has no rear wind shield. The gas pump won't take my fucking credit card because it's asking me for a zip code (hilariously, I tried "90210"). CoCo and I then tried to talk to the guy in the attendant booth, and give him $20 to pre-pay for some gas.

Despite some excellent miming of the action of gas pumping (which in hindsight MAY have looked like we were pretending to shoot someone lying on the ground) and the fact that the guy WORKED AT A GAS STATION (what did he think we wanted?) he had no idea what was going on. As more and more weirdos came out of the woodwork, and seemed to be taking a lot of interest in us, we decided to leave and purchase our petroleum derivatives elsewhere. I enjoyed this comment from CoCo - looking at the map - as I gunned our white-kid-carrying-rental-SUV straight outta there:

"Jesus - you just tried to buy gas at 4am in Compton."

TTC Strike Averted; JohnnyM Horrendously Disappointed

So - contrary to my previously mentioned hopes and dreams, there will be no transit strike here in the city of Toronto, and the estimated 1.5 million daily TTC riders (my sublime, self-righteous ass among them) can continue to be herded to work like cattle tomorrow morning.

But before we go back to our regularly scheduled programming, I'd just like to relay a conversation held between myself and CoCo on Friday afternoon on a downtown patio, which I think gets to the root of my "put people outside of their comfort zone, and something good might happen" argument...

JohnnyM: "So, if there's a strike on Monday, how are you going to get to work?"
CoCo: "I'll just walk. You?"
JohnnyM: "I think I'm going to run in."
CoCo: "But won't you be all sweaty?"
JohnnyM: "Yeah, but I can shower at the gym."
CoCo: "Hey - that's a great idea...I think I'll do the same. Actually, regardless of if there's a strike, I might just start doing that."
JohnnyM: "There it is."
CoCo: "You're really hot. Let's make out."*
JohnnyM: "Holy shit, you're so gay."*


* I may have taken some 'artistic license' with this portion of the conversation. But I'm pretty certain CoCo is gay. And I don't mean happy. We're talking rainbows.

Holy. Shit. (That's right - the LCBO may go on strike)

Due to being incredibly uninformed, I sometimes must rely on our commenters to provide me with important information. Such as the potential for a strike by the wonderful people who sell me wine and hard liquor at the LCBO!

When I learned of this, I tried to remain calm, and looked around on the web for other sources of information. I must have mis-typed something, as I ended up on the CP24 website, where I came across the following photo attached to a story regarding the impending strike:

OH MY GOD! People are already lining up outside stores! I considered grabbing my sleeping bag, and camping outside the nearest LCBO. Then I took a closer look at the picture. It's a tad hot here in Toronto these days for down jackets and toques, no? Then I read the tagline:

"Patrons line up to get into an LCBO outlet as others leave in Mississauga, Ont. on Monday, December 31, 2007"

That's just some good, solid, non-hysteria-inducing journalism.

TTC Union on Wildcat Strike

As reported by The Globe and Mail, "hundreds of thousands of Toronto commuters were left scrambling Monday when a surprise wildcat strike brought transit services in Canada's biggest city to a halt just ahead of the morning rush." It continued, "Toronto Mayor David Miller has called in a provincial mediator to help avoid a possible wildcat transit strike."

Bob Kinnear, president of the Amalgamated Transit Union Local 113, said wildcats are frustrated by a growing number of fare disputes. While the TTC services over 800,000 individuals, it is not currently known exactly how many of these passengers are wildcats.

"Given that the Wildcat is a predator native to Europe, we're surprised and shocked at the fact that we have so many Wildcat passengers, and even more surprised that they aren't happy with the fares", Kinnear commented. "Normally, Wildcats are extremely timid. They avoid coming too close to human settlements. They live solitarily and hold territories of about 3 km² each. Maybe that's why they are refusing to use our public transit system."

Johnny M's Quick Hits 2

After what can only be described as an over-whelming reaction to my first version of "Quick Hits", I felt compelled to hit that again:

1) There's a city-wide strike going on here in Toronto, and shockingly I have yet to comment on how fantastic this "anarchist asshole" thinks that is. Sorry about that. We here at JTC love a good strike, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling this one. Perhaps it's the lack of hysteria from our friends at CityTV. Or perhaps it's because the prospect of the city stinking of garbage isn't too appetizing.

Or - more likely - it's because now I can't go swimming because all the pools are shut down. When you're training for an ironman triathlon, that's a bit of a pain. Of course, I'm fairly resourceful, so I think that I'll start swimming down in Lake Ontario. Unfortunately, one of the city services that is not currently being offered is water quality testing for our beaches. As I mentioned to a friend regarding swimming in the lake:

Pro: Schedule flexibility
Con: Fecal contamination

That reminds me of a presentation a class-mate of mine made in university regarding olestra - the "non-fat fat" that makes food taste good, but contains a fat that your body can't absorb. One of the "cons" she listed on her Powerpoint presentation was "anal leakage". As another class-mate yelled, "That's a pretty big con!"

2) This Father's Day, there was a lot of great advice and information being shared around my family table. My nephew made some comment about someone "kicking the bucket", which led to this representative exchange:

My Dad: "Now, 'kicking the bucket' is an interesting expression. Of course, it means 'to die', but its origin is actually from someone committing suicide. You see, when they have the noose tied around their neck, they prop themselves up on top of a bucket, and when they're ready, they 'kick the bucket' away."

Me: "That's just some fascinating, age-appropriate trivia."

My brother: "You realize the kid is 6, right Dad?"

3) Want to make your awards show totally irrelevant? Make Nickelback the big winner.

Because You Can't Spell "Pandemic" Without "Panic"

We here at JTC love a little bit of media hysteria, and unless you've been living under a rock, you're well aware of the fact that we're all about to die of swine flu. As previously documented, we're also huge fans of graphics accompanying media hysteria. Hell - who can forget the fantastic Toronto Transit Commission wildcat strike of '06?

Expecting to find all sorts of shit on the internet, I went trolling around to look for hilarious swine flu graphics. Amazingly, I found nothing. Nothing! I mean, is it really too much to ask for at least one picture of a pig wearing a surgical mask? Or some sort of "Swine Watch!" graphic? Apparently so. Being the industrious type that I am, and realizing that it's probably a matter of days before I see nut jobs on the subway wearing surgical masks, I decided to combine my love of the TTC with my raw terror regarding swine flu, and came up with the following:

I know, it's awesome. I also found this:

That's just bad parenting - that kid is probably dead already.

More updates as events warrant.