Welcome to JTC Inc.

Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Also, it is cool as shit.

Just a quick one: I've been shopping for a cheap pair of wheels and this ad made me shit my pants, so I thought I'd share it. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Holy. Shit. (That's right - the LCBO may go on strike)

Due to being incredibly uninformed, I sometimes must rely on our commenters to provide me with important information. Such as the potential for a strike by the wonderful people who sell me wine and hard liquor at the LCBO!

When I learned of this, I tried to remain calm, and looked around on the web for other sources of information. I must have mis-typed something, as I ended up on the CP24 website, where I came across the following photo attached to a story regarding the impending strike:

OH MY GOD! People are already lining up outside stores! I considered grabbing my sleeping bag, and camping outside the nearest LCBO. Then I took a closer look at the picture. It's a tad hot here in Toronto these days for down jackets and toques, no? Then I read the tagline:

"Patrons line up to get into an LCBO outlet as others leave in Mississauga, Ont. on Monday, December 31, 2007"

That's just some good, solid, non-hysteria-inducing journalism.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Johnny M's Quick Hits 2

After what can only be described as an over-whelming reaction to my first version of "Quick Hits", I felt compelled to hit that again:

1) There's a city-wide strike going on here in Toronto, and shockingly I have yet to comment on how fantastic this "anarchist asshole" thinks that is. Sorry about that. We here at JTC love a good strike, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling this one. Perhaps it's the lack of hysteria from our friends at CityTV. Or perhaps it's because the prospect of the city stinking of garbage isn't too appetizing.

Or - more likely - it's because now I can't go swimming because all the pools are shut down. When you're training for an ironman triathlon, that's a bit of a pain. Of course, I'm fairly resourceful, so I think that I'll start swimming down in Lake Ontario. Unfortunately, one of the city services that is not currently being offered is water quality testing for our beaches. As I mentioned to a friend regarding swimming in the lake:

Pro: Schedule flexibility
Con: Fecal contamination

That reminds me of a presentation a class-mate of mine made in university regarding olestra - the "non-fat fat" that makes food taste good, but contains a fat that your body can't absorb. One of the "cons" she listed on her Powerpoint presentation was "anal leakage". As another class-mate yelled, "That's a pretty big con!"

2) This Father's Day, there was a lot of great advice and information being shared around my family table. My nephew made some comment about someone "kicking the bucket", which led to this representative exchange:

My Dad: "Now, 'kicking the bucket' is an interesting expression. Of course, it means 'to die', but its origin is actually from someone committing suicide. You see, when they have the noose tied around their neck, they prop themselves up on top of a bucket, and when they're ready, they 'kick the bucket' away."

Me: "That's just some fascinating, age-appropriate trivia."

My brother: "You realize the kid is 6, right Dad?"

3) Want to make your awards show totally irrelevant? Make Nickelback the big winner.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Shock and Awesome

As you know, we've written several times about Shitty TV's habit of rabidly pumping up the fear-o-meter in their "newscasts". Today, BlogTO.com pointed to a hilarious fake twitter account posing as Anne Mroczkowski, one of the fear-monger anchors at City.

If you've seen City's newscasts, it's a pretty fucking hilarious mockery. Some of my fave tweets include:

"Rain is falling but more than just water falls from the sky. Tonight I examine the various ways you can die from things falling from the sky"

"Not everything you think of as a vegetable is one. Tonight I reveal which are secretly fruits in disguise. More than meets the eye. News @ 6"

"Tonight at six I'll reveal which kitchen utensil can be living a deadly secret life as a potential deadly weapon in the wrong hands."

Keep up the good work fake Anne Mroczkowski!