Welcome to JTC Inc.

Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Meaning of America's Choice of Obama: A Pictorial

Friday, November 14, 2008

A quick list of things I currently do that would get me in a lot less trouble if I was a baby

  • Farting
  • Shitting my pants
  • Making a stink sphere that encompasses everyone around me
  • Blatantly ignoring people who don't interest me
  • Flipping the bird under the false premise of an accidental hand gesture
  • Drinking heavily from a bottle until I vomit all over myself
  • Gawking at women's breasts while making suggestive faces

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Transit City: Jet Packs and Light Rail

Before we get started, I'd like to dedicate this post to PChrist's recently new born son, and CoCo's yet to be born and somewhat late daughter (based on my extensive knowledge of women, she's probably just trying on outfits before heading out. "Heading out"? Hilarious.) As PChrist pointed out today - they're not just having children...they're adding blog readers. And God knows we need them.

As often noted, this blog is not just about the Toronto Transit Commission...despite this post, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, and especially this one, which is basically about the same thing as what I'm about to write. But let's not worry about that, and talk about "Transit City", the TTC's bold light rail plan, which will take Toronto's transit into the 21st century.

I ride the subway every day into my (real) job, and over the past few weeks, all the subway cars and stations have been plastered with ads for Transit City. Unfortunately, I don't run the TTC, but if I did, and I had a massively expensive infrastructure plan I was trying to get off the ground, I don't think I'd be turning away advertising dollars to advertise...uh...myself. But, whatever, let's take a look at some of these clearly well thought out light rail routes:

Don Mills
This 18-kilometre long line will run along the Don Mills Road corridor from the Bloor-Danforth Subway to Steeles Avenue and potentially into York Region.

"Potentially"?? I'm hoping we can firm that one up before we start laying track.

"Well, we've hit Steeles Ave, boss. Where to now?"
"Fuck it - let's just go to Sudbury."

I think this is my favourite though:

Eglinton Crosstown
This 31-kilometre long route will link Kennedy Station in the east with Pearson Airport and the Mississauga Transitway in the west.

Wait a second...I used to live on Eglinton. It's pretty built up once you get past Laird...where would the train go?

The line will operate in an underground tunnel from approximately Laird Drive in the east to Keele Street in the west.

Of course it will! Tunnels - they're simple.

In an attempt to come up with our own light rail line worthy of the clearly thought out "Transit City", I now boldly present:

This 6.2km long route will link The Only Cafe with Scotland Yard. Also, it will go to The Auld Spot, and The Rose and Crown (when it re-opens). And I'm feeling generous, so it'll stop at your house. Also, the cars will be pulled by unicorns.

Being a visionary is thirsty work. That's why I'm looking forward to the 4th Annual JTC Remembrance Day Pub Crawl tomorrow night. Boo-yah!