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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The Swiss franc: NOT quite the mayonnaise of currencies

Further to JohnnyM's update regarding the currency discussion at last Friday's JTC meeting, I have done some research on the Swiss franc and it's status among the world's currencies. Here's what I've learned:

  1. It is the official currency of Switzerland AND Leichtenstein (where?)
  2. The Swiss franc is one of the world's most stable currencies, thanks to the Switzerland's neutrality, fiercely conservative monetary policy and ample gold reserves of the Swiss national bank.
  3. The Swiss have not yet converted to using European Currency Unit (aka the 'Euro'), namely because it might impact that neutrality (grow a spine and pick a side!) and since the thought of sharing anything with the Lira causes shudders from Geneva to Schaffhausen.
  4. Even though the currency in international trading markets is worth in the range of 80 to 90 U.S. cents, it has surprisingly little actual purchasing power; items tend to cost about twice what they would in the United States (or Canada whose dollar is worth about the same as the Swiss currency).
  5. Current worth of the Swiss franc (as of Dec 27, 2005): 1 Swiss franc = 0.761557 U.S. dollars........Chocolate and watch sales were disappointing during the holidays.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Another Festivus Miracle!

After completing my airing of grievances, along with performing numerous feats of strength, I have decided to end my short-lived blood feud against my fellow board members. In this crazy, mixed-up world we live in, I think it's fair to say that you should probably only declare blood feuds against people who really deserve it (for example, test engineers and program managers...whoever stole my jacket from the Ceeps back in '99...that guy on the Weather Channel who acts like he CREATES the weather...people who buy $300 platinum tickets to see the Leafs, and then miss the first 5 minutes of every period out of their seats, getting pissed up...), and not your fellow board members.

In other news, I'm seriously considering listing JTC Inc. as my "Hot Company to Watch in 2006" in my year end list. Exciting, eh?

Airing of Grievances - A Blood Feud

Now, I'm sure you're all eagerly anticipating hearing how the JTC Board of Directors meeting went on Thursday night. Well, despite the fact that the board wasn't able to meet separately (as so often happens, we're just so godammned popular that it's hard for the three of us to meet without others being present), the meeting was a resounding success. Food and drink were consumed, Golden Tee was played, and numerous jokey ideas were formulated, including passionate discussion of why the Swiss Franc shits on all other currencies in the world ("I wipe my ass with the Italian Lira!"; "Do you know that professional soccer players demand to be paid in Swiss Francs?"), and the reasoning behind Mennonites not using technology (it's not for religious reasons or because of deeply held personal beliefs...it's because their rods and cones are all screwy, and they can't see small buttons and switches properly.)

On the subway ride home, my fellow boardmembers - P-Christ and Co-Co the Monkey - declared that because they didn't have to work today (unlike yours truly), they'd be "spending the day blogging", making sure that all discussions were properly documented. Imagine my surprise when I check the blog after work, and discover NOTHING. Those friggin' lazy bastards...they were probably off "buying gifts for others", or "volunteering with the less fortunate." Selfish bastards.

For this reason, I must now take the unfortunate step of declaring a blood feud against P-Christ and that stupid simian, Co-Co. A plague upon both your houses, ya bastards!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

VIA Rail Canada clarifies fare rules amid confusion

TORONTO [Reuters]
Thursday, December 22, 2005

VIA Rail has released a statement addressing claims made by the popular rock combo "The Darkness", where lead singer Justin Hawkins indicated that he had purchased a ticket that VIA officials claim "is not possible on current routes or within current fare restrictions". The statement is to address confusion, VIA says, as many customers have been calling for the new discounted fare.

Toronto resident Jim Proud voiced his concerns over the apparent breach of fare rules. "I just paid $125 Canadian for a round trip ticket to Kingston" Mr. Proud explained, "but for some reason these celebrities are given special treatment and can go both ways on a one-way fare."

The statements are in direct retaliation to The Darkness' claims that they were able to purchase "A one way ticket to hell... and back".

Repeatedly making this statement on their tour caused VIA officials to ensure the public was notified that "no special case changes were made to fare rules", and quoting The Darkness' own lyrics, indicated the band was "talking absolute rubbish" and that they should "stick it up [their] fucking noses."

JTC Board Meeting

A JTC Board Meeting is scheduled for this evening - Thursday, December 22nd - in the heart of downtown Toronto. While no specific agenda has been set, we will likely be discussing:

- plans for the ludicrously successful JTC blog
- "Human Style" - flawed masterpiece, or drunken idiocy?
- status of the Saab plant in Sweden

All this will be intermingled with a few rounds of Golden Tee, and watching of the Leafs-Bruins game. (Go Leafs Go!)

Meeting minutes will be published following the event.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

What is JTC Inc?

Alright, people - it's time to kick this baby off properly. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty, with a hard-hitting Q&A session:

Q: What is JTC Inc?
A: This is a question that we, the JTC Board of Directors, have been wrestling with for a few years. Simply put, the acronym JTC stands for "Jump to Conclusions", and is taken from the hilarious movie Office Space. If you haven't seen this movie, go and rent it immediately. Actually, finish reading this, then go rent it. In the movie, there's a dude - Tom Sipowski (sp?) - who insists that all you need to become rich in life is one good idea (like the pet rock.) Tom's good idea is a "Jump to Conclusions Mat". You see - it's mat....with a bunch on conclusions written on it...that you jump to.

Q: Who is on this "Board of Directors"?
A: Well, there's me - Johnny M - and my good friends, P-Christ and Co-Co The Monkey. Please note that no one on the board is called "T-Bone". (We're huge fans of Seinfeld, and you will need a passing knowledge of the show to really enjoy this blog.)

Q: So what does JTC Inc actually do?
A: Well...right now we have this blog. We also go out drinking fairly frequently. And we write each other incredibly funny e-mails.

Q: Wait a second. This blog is your good idea? I know about a billion other people with that idea.
A: Alright, alright - there's no need to be so judgemental. We're working on it. We have this other idea...it's a sitcom...where the actors are playing pets. You see, in our crazy, alternate world the humans are dogs, and the dogs are humans. It's called "Human Style". (Get it?)

Q: That is horrendous.
A: Yeah, good point. Ever since we sobered up, that idea didn't quite seem to have the legs we thought it would. But we have other good stuff!

Q: Like what?
A: Well, frankly, there's an enormous e-mail archive of jokey stuff that could totally be written up for the masses to enjoy. And we tell a lot of jokes about not wearing pants. Go to www.nopantsday.com - it's quite humourous.

Q: Well, I'll give it a shot, but no guarantees.
A: Thanks.

Q: Hey - where are your pants?
A: Hilarious.