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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Pulse 24/7 Watch: Death by CN Tower - Everywhere!

So when I arrived home this eve, my co-habitational partner was flipping the dial on the television and ran into good old Channel 7, Moses Znaimer's City TV. I'm not sure if newscasts can possibly be more shitty than what they churn out (as we've previously seen - that 'Strikewatch' graphic was theirs - sans wildcat of course). They are like a canadian cross between Fox News and Access Hollywood. Each night, their top stories are Crime! Traffic Accidents! Death! and it's all done really sensibly, so you finish watching the broadcast and are scared to leave your house.

Well, on tonight's "episode" of the 6pm news broadcast, they included what seemed to the be the 2515th installment of their 1,000,000 installment series titled 'Pulse 24/7 Watch: Death by CN Tower - Everywhere!'. For anyone reading our blog outside of Toronto, lately there's been a lot of ice falling from buildings in Toronto, including the CN Tower, which has recently closed highw... Who the fuck am I kidding, there's no one reading this.

Anyways, ShittyTV replayed about 5 minutes of ice-fall slow motion capture, and then cranked up the Bam! Pow! where the cameraman tracked ice colliding with other buildings. At the end of the inane broadcast, they asked for Torontonians to share their ideas about how to deal with the ice on the CN Tower. Really? I can only imagine what the morons who watch City would comment. Oh no, wait, it's all on their website.

A few of my faves from the top end of the IQ distribution:

"Shoot at the ice with police rubber bullets. Police shoot criminals with them. Why not try that?"
"Contact the GTAA [Greater Toronto Airports Authority], tell them to get some choppers and shoot some de-icing liquid at the ice. Maybe not today with the wind but when it settles."
"Have they considered using laser or magnification of light to targeted problem areas? You know like a magnifying glass reflecting the sun or using mirrors to deflect halogen or high powered lights?"
"After storms, the corporation sends workers out to look at the damage (last year, pieces of the white fabric covering the top of the tower were blown loose). Equip them with golf cleats or the like and as they rappel down the side of the tower, swinging into it, the cleats break off the ice into small chunks ... If it doesn't work, sniper rifles from condos would also dislodge it."

This shit writes itself.

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