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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Coming to a head

In my particular work environment, a soul-crushing cube farm where several dozen male employees share the same bathroom, certain unspoken etiquette within those facilities is called for. This topic has been widely written about, so I won’t venture into the details of this silent code except to say that if you are unfamiliar with it, you’re likely one of the abnormal specimens the policy was written for.

The code should be part of mandatory employee testing. As I said, I don’t want to get into it, but I’ve witnessed countless infractions in the past few months (such as a complete lack of attempt to cover up errant noises by flushing/coughing, attempting conversation mid-urination, and unnecessary delay time while those in stalls wait for a private moment).

Just now, I witnessed an outlandish violation of the code that has left me a little disgusted, and my bathroom experience that much creepier. As I walked in, some dude took a giant wad of paper towel, soaked it, turned to face me with a blank stare, and then proceeded to a stall, locking himself in. There were noises.

It’s not supposed to be like this. Not like this.


JohnnyM said...

Co-Co - thought you would appreciate me digging up the old "Guide For Taking A Dump At Work" classic: http://mywebpages.comcast.net/bondono2/WebJokes/Joke0088.html

P.S. If you don't want me to pat you on the ass while you're peeing, just fucking say so.

NUCLEAR said...

I'd also like to mention other infractions AT WORK such as urination multi-tasking i.e. brushing teeth with one hand---supporting penis with the other hand.

Coco The Monkey said...


Given your female genetalia, if you are in a bathroom where someone is holding their penis, I'd say that's the biggest infraction of all.

You're sick,

JohnnyM said...

I'll thank you not to mention Nuclear's female genitalia.

No sweat off my balls,

JMCE said...

I told her about the toothbrush one. But he wasnt peeing, the guy went into the stall and kept on brushing through the whole process.

Anonymous said...

I would like to gently remind the masses that there is NO conversation so important that requires you to maintain eye contact with the person once they have entered a stall. Peeking through the cracks is unaccaptable behaviour. Even continuing the conversation is questionable.

No sweat off my labia,
Infraction Victim (and Survivor)