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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

St. Paddy's JTC meeting

In honour of some dude who got rid of the snakes in Ireland (or something like that), the JTC Executive decided to go out and get ripped last Friday. While only two-thirds of the Executive stayed on for the full evening (one-third had to drive his Greek ass to the charming Bavarian hamlet of Kitchener-Waterloo), it was successful nevertheless. As always, here are the list of items recorded in our notebook from the evening, with some explanation:

"Time share baby" - the concept here was that rather than having all that responsibility of having a kid, why not set something up where you had a baby on time share? So for two weeks a year, you took care of a kid, and the rest of the time you were free of the shackles of parenthood. Briliant.

"On-line assistants discussing things with each other - dating forum - weekly segment?" - we will need to look for more on-line assistants (such as Ikea Anna), and then see if we can get them "talking" to each other by posting their comments back and forth. Should be hilarious.

"Put notebook in museum. Travel show hosted by notebook" - Our black notebook holds all of our ideas and ramblings. As such, it will be worth billions of dollars in the near future, and probably should be placed in a museum. For some reason, I thought the next logical step would then be to have the notebook host a travel TV show where it visits museums of the world.

"1st person in line in the bathroom needs to use the shitter" - Co-Co went to the bathroom, where there was a line-up. The first person in line needed to use the...uh...stall, not the urinals, and had to explain to each person as a urinal freed up that he was waiting to go number 2. Juvenile? Yes. Hilarious? Definitely.

"Hot dogs - now with more beaks!" - I can't remember how this started, but I believe there was some discussion around how hot dogs might have some sort of minimum requirement on hooves and beaks, so theoretically you could market hot dogs with high beak contents. Hey - not every idea is a home run, you know.

"An open letter to both JTC blog readers" - we were discussing how it appears that nobody reads the blog, given the lack of any comments. This led to the concept of an open letter to JTC readers, which then became an open letter to both JTC readers.

"Hose beside the couch - coke" - this had something to do with setting up a bar system beside your couch at home, so you wouldn't have to get up to refill your glass of coke. Not sure why this warranted writing in the notebook.

"What do you do for a living? Well, actuarily... She works in an actuarium" - related to co-workers of a friend of ours being acuariests (sp?) Please note I have no idea what the hell this is.

"QFD of ideas, assign owners" - a QFD is a tool we use at work to help make decisions - we thought we could use a QFD to help us figure out which of our numerous ideas we should develop further.

"Website with fake job entries, interview people" - We were talking about setting up a JTC website, and then having a "careers" section, where we would put up fake job postings of positions we have no desire to fill. There was argument over whether or not we should actually interview people if we have no intention of giving them a job. (I said we should.) I enjoyed the "wouldn't that be illegal?" comment.

"Concession stands on ceoncession roads" - Have you ever noticed how hard it is to buy a pop and a (beak-filled) hot dog on a concession road? Why are there not more concession stands on concession roads? Why?

*at this point, some other members of our party felt that they could write whatever they wanted in the notebook, all willy-nilly. So some of the following are just recordings of conversation snippets...

"McBain = McPizza. Do you want to hear the pizza story or not? No! I want to argue about how to say 'preface' more!"

Sarah: "As a preface to the preface..."

"John with a moustache. Comment ca va? (with a graphic overlay)" - No idea what this one's about.

"Skynet.com? .org? .net?" - ideas for our website name. If you're going to have a website, why not name it after the computer system that becomes self-aware, and kills all humans in the Terminator movies?

Co-Co: "My laughing is making the taxi jiggle."

Taxi Driver: "No! Two in front - it's illegal!"

"I don't want to be rude, but what's up with the transvestites?" - Where we went to eat there were some men dressed up as ladies. 'Nuff said.

"Blind deli. Different breads, different meats." - I can't remember what this is about exactly, but I feel it involves ridiculing the visually impaired - something that I hate.

"I'm dressed this way...because I hate my parents (no pants)" - Again...not 100% on this one, but I think it was a take on the "I'm dressed this way for United Way!" stickers, and perhaps showing up to work dressed incredibly inappropriately. Or, not wearing pants.

Co-Co: "If at the end of the day, a couple of pages of the notebook have been filled, then it's a good day. It's a good day."

"New band name - Tarps and Tapes" - we're always on the look out for good band names.

As you can see, the fact that we now travel no where without the notebook is one of the best decisions we've ever made. Way to go us.


Anonymous said...

You have more readers than you think!!!

*looks around*

JohnnyM said...

"Anonymous"??? Booooooooo....

Anonymous said...

How can I be all suspicious like if I put my name down?!?

tiffany said...

That time share baby is gold! That's definitely the kind of parenting I'd be looking to do; then it wouldn't cut in to my time for drinking/drug use.

P.S. I like this blog so much I am reading it from the beginning. Congrats on getting a 3rd reader!

Coco The Monkey said...

Tiff, baby, thanks a million, we here at JTC Inc. appreciate your comments, and frankly, we're honored to count such an illustrious 1980s pop star as one of our readers.

If you'd like to do us a favor, you can email the blog to all your friends (Rick Astley, Cyndi Lauper, what have you).

Also, I don't want to be too forward, but seriously, let's run just as fast as we can (holding on to one another's hand). We could try to get away into the night, and if you feel like it, you could put your arms around me as we tumble to the ground. I think at that point it would be appropriate to say "I think were alone now, there doesnt seem to be anyone around."

Just kidding around, hopefully we haven't insulted our 3rd reader!

The beating of my heart is the only sound,

JohnnyM said...

Children - behave.

That's what they say when we're together,