Welcome to JTC Inc.

Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Monday, March 13, 2006

A lot of weird stuff seems to happen to me

This past Saturday, my co-habitational partner and I went on a 55km bike ride in the lovely countryside north of Toronto, between Newmarket and Uxbridge. Let me tell you, I've had some weird shit happen before when I've been on a bike (being caught in a horrendous storm in Iceland, and then sleeping in a changeroom after being given a free 'Icelandic feast' buffet dinner certainly comes to mind) but there was definitely something...uh..."special" about this past Saturday.

Event #1: Stray Dog
There we are riding along, when we see a dog running at the side of the road, no owner in sight. We stop our bikes, and manage to coax the dog over. With no sign of a collar, and no obvious house where the dog could have come from, our options seem limited. Fortunately, a good Samaritan pulls over in his SUV, throws the dog in the back, and tells us he's going to start going door to door to try to find the owner. Satisifed with this resolution, we get back on our bikes and ride on. In hindsight, two things come to mind:
1) Was the guy in the SUV just a dog thief? Could be.
2) What the hell is a Samaritan? Are they all good? Are they from a place called Samar?

Event #2: Wild Turkeys
Further down the same stretch of road, I saw two fairly large animals crossing the road in front of me. They seemed kind of big, but were sort of shuffling along. At first, I thought they were racoons, until I saw one of them flap their wings and carry on across the road, into the forest on the other side. I felt reasonably confident that these were in fact wild turkeys, as I've seen these beasts before while on vacation. I've never seen them in Ontario though, so I poked around on the web, and found the following:
So it seems that there are wild turkeys in Ontario. And my family, like suckers, have been buying our turkeys from the supermarket! Next year, I'm buying a gun, and shooting one. Please scroll down the page, and note the ad for "Turkey and Turkey Hunting" magazine. Hilarious.
As my co-hab mentioned, "What's with all the wildlife?" It was unnerving to say the least.
Note to self: Add "Wild Turkeys" to list of potential band names.
Second note to self: "Wild Turkeys" sounds too much like "Wild Stallions" - the band from the Bill & Ted movies. Remove from list.

Event #3: Almost Killing An Old Man
About 20km past the wild turkeys, we came across an old man walking his dog along the side of the road. As we approached, the dog appeared to get quite excited about seeing us, and leapt at our bikes. The old dude lost grip of the leash of the dog, and as I rode past, I heard my co-hab yell, "Oh no!" Looking back, I saw her bike at the side of the road, the dog's leash in her hand, and the old dude lying flat on the shoulder of the road. I swear to God - I thought we had killed the old guy. I jumped off my bike, and ran back to where he was. Fortunately, he was conscious, and just seemed to be having trouble getting up. I helped him up, and we made sure he was okay as we cleaned him off. He seemed fine, and insisted on giving us a piece of candy each (the standard reward for almost killing somebody?) and told us we were his "grandchildren." In hindsight, maybe he wasn't okay. As an FYI, the dog's name was Spinner.

Event #4: Car Accident
Finally there was one last thing...as we turned onto York-Durham line, there had just been a two-car collision, so there was glass and metal all over the road, with the cars and their owners sitting right there that we had to navigate around. Usually, this would have been of note, but after the events which had unfolded over the previous hour or so, I'm not going to lie to you - this barely registered.

Bottom line is this - if more crap like the above happens the next time I hop on my bike, I'm going to start up the "Johnny M Reality Bike Tours" so others can enjoy the hijinks and fun.

No comments: