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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Crime... What is it good for?

On Friday night an emergency Board of Directors status meeting was held. The following are topics discussed requiring immediate attention (articles to be written):

1. Public Service Announcement about how people's lives have been significantly improved since they stopped donating to charity and/or volunteering ("I have so much more free time...", "I can't even spend all of this disposable cash...").

2. An op-ed piece about a Feminist sighting sexism as the reason for her unsucessful application for employment at Manpower.

3. A marketing brief / press release from a pharmaceutical company for a new topical sedative (mandatory drug warnings to include "warning: effects localized - be sure to apply quickly before hands fall asleep")

4. A personal reflection on a mental struggle through the decision to look for lost deodorant while considering the risk sweating while looking for it.

5. A faux Humane Society newspaper celebrating Pet drop-offs, including celebratory pictures with the owner of discarded pets in cheerful rejoice, with the pet in a cage behind them.

6. A faux university course description for Economics 101, including pyramid schemes, cheap child labour (it's really an endless supply)

7. A letter to the editor from someone who is in an affirmitive action environment with no discrimination to workers, expressing the longing for "a taste of discrimination. I don't want widespread discrimination - just a taste of it. All I'm asking for is a small sample of discrimination."

8. A job posting and/or resume of a Central American Finance Minister.

9. A dialogue of a hyper-sensitive political correctness junkie who prompts "What are you? Racist?" at inappropriate times.

In the words of JohnnyM, "I hope you've enjoyed yourselves... because I'm never going out with you again."

Absolutely Nothing,

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