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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

JTC Inc. announces second quarter 2006 results

Toronto – JTC announced net income of $12.51 for the second quarter ended April 30, 2006. Return on equity was infinity, because honestly, we've invested nothing in this. Diluted earnings per share (EPS) were zero, which included total after-drinking gains of zero per share.



Update on business priorities

"We're announcing second quarter earnings before the quarter end simply based on our revenue prediction models. Ballsy? We thought so. We made solid progress during the quarter against our key priority of making money to go drinking with (see business model released March 26, 2006). The inclusion of Google Adsense to our model has been effective in building business strength, improving productivity and strengthening our balance sheet," says Coco T. Monkey, one of JTC's executive Officers. "On our total to-date earnings of $0.67, day-over-day growth was 134% on average, yielding an expected second quarter income of $12.51."

Maintaining and building business strength

JTC continues to be well positioned. JTC's joke-making businesses are expected to continue to leverage Adsense's strong income capabilities to bring enhanced performance and build balance sheet strength. Low employment enjoyment and interest in the canadian workplace, together with strong needs to dissolve workplace-related boredom should continue to encourage volume growth in joke making and joke reading.

The outlook for our businesses remains positive, driven by expectations for extraordinary growth based on historical performance. "It's going to be one hell of a May-24 weekend," says Monkey. "However, shareholders should not be concerned over near-term spending plans, as at these forecasted growth rates, we will have in excess of a million dollars for capital spending in the third quarter."

14 comments:

JohnnyM said...

These projections look a little conservative...

jeremym said...

How the heck did you make 12 bucks?

JohnnyM said...

Jeremy - we've made $0.67. The $12.51, much like the $1,132,947, is just a good, conservative projection. With the help of your mouse clicking finger, we can make that projection a reality, you know...

jeremym said...

ok, how did you make 0.67 ?

JohnnyM said...

Have you not seen the business model? *eyeroll* It's all about the Google Adsense!

jeremym said...

ok, the adsense is the golfswingguru link at the top?

how does that coeralate to cash?

If i visit the site more, do you get more $?

If more different people visit, do you get more $?

How many times to i need to visit to get a free beer?

Coco The Monkey said...

Jeremy - I don't even know you, and I don't dislike you already.

Every click of the adsense ads brings JTC money. Hopefully, if we can get more people visiting this site, we can raise more money. All profits have been earmarked for Beer/Liquor purchases.

This is where you come in - send the site to all of your colleagues and get them to click-click away. If you help us get extraordinaly rich, we'll help you get that one free beer. Deal?

Regards,
C.T.Monkey

JohnnyM said...

Jeremy - it's high time you got yourself a cat-themed picture for your profile. If it includes religious and/or triangular motifs - so much the better.

jeremyM said...

Do i actually have to click on the ad link, or simply visit the blog?

Coco The Monkey said...

Click the ads. Click them as much as you friggin' can. We're counting on you. The entire fate of our corporation is in your hands, son.

JohnnyM said...

It's unfortunate that this is so complicated.

jeremyM said...

Well really, send the links to everyoen you know with the title "funny joke, kill time at work".

Instant success.

JohnnyM said...

Can we assume that you have already done this, Jeremy?

P.S. Where the hell is that picture?

jeremyM said...

ill admit i cliecked on each one twice. Does that get me a beer?

And ill be damned if i know how to get a pciture in my posts.