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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Why I Went Commando At Work On Thursday

Do you ever feel like not wearing underwear? Me neither, but on Thursday I didn't really have a choice. You see, on certain days before work I go swimming. I then leave straight from the pool and head to work. As people that know me can attest, I'm all about the efficiency, so on my way to the pool, I usually wear my bathing suit under my pants, and bring along a pair of undies for after my swim. And on Thursday I forgot them.

The sinking feeling I felt when I was looking through my bag, and realized that it was devoid of undergarments was quite strong. The decision to then just pull my pants on was quite the leap. I considered going home to get some undies, but then remembered that going back home wasn't particularly efficient, and as mentioned above - I'm all about the efficiency. I briefly considered purchasing new underwear when I got downtown, but then remembered that I'm a cheap bastard - why buy new underwear when you have perfectly good underwear at home?

So - I spent the whole day with my pants rubbing directly against my "bits". It felt kind of weird. And also led me to maniacally check my fly every 20 seconds, regardless of if I'd recently gone to the bathroom or not.

As if that wasn't enough, here's something else that happened on Thursday... My desk at work is very close to a small kitchen area that includes a water cooler. I heard a bit of a ruckus over in that area, and it turned out that the water cooler was leaking all over the floor. There was a guy and a girl there, and they seemed to have everything in order. Let's see what happens next:

Random Guy: "Hey John, could you come and give us a hand with this?"
John: (not wanting to help in the slightest) "Uh...sure...hang on." (gets up; checks fly)
RG: "Can you pull the water jug off the top of the cooler? It's leaking. I'd do it myself, but I have a bad back."
J: (extremely doubtful of the bad back story; looking forward to soaking pants that don't have underwear underneath them) "Sure." (JohnnyM lifts off leaking water jug, and places it on kitchen counter. And then checks his fly.)
RG: "Thanks. I'm not sure when it started leaking. It wasn't leaking when I put the jug in there an hour ago."
J: "Wait a fucking second. You didn't have a bad back an hour ago when you put the jug on the cooler, but now when it's leaking all over the place you do? You're such an asshole."* (checks his fly)

In summary:
- don't forget to wear underwear
- don't help people who are assholes

* I didn't actually say this. But boy, did I want to.

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