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Sunday, November 12, 2006

Toronto Municipal Elections

I’m a little irate at the prospect of voting in our municipal elections this coming Monday. While it’s great that we get to elect representatives for our wards, school trustees, and mayor, that will make decisions around public transit, garbage, policing, affordable housing and development, the process itself is not without insanity.

1. Why the hell do I go to a local high school to vote? Not only does holding the vote in schools close down the Gymnasium for the day (which can only harm those little fast-fed fat bastards who could use a little physical activity), but this means we all have to rush home from work to make the poll closings. We’ve even gone so far as to pass legislation making it mandatory for employers to allow sufficient time off work for people to make it home in time. Here’s an idea – let me vote anywhere in the city, like say, close to work where I spend most of the day! Just throwing that out there, morons.

2. What the hell is with all the old volunteers on voting day? It’s like the local Gym is transformed into a senior’s event or something. Why are ancient people, who I should be helping cross the street, helping me practice one of the basic tenets of my democratic freedom? It’s a little odd.

3. The choice of candidates – I mean, come on. Usually we have one or two main candidates for Mayor, and the selection beyond these stiffs are the delusional, the insane and those with obvious hygiene issues. The choice is so poor that a man who, in his past life as a discount furniture peddler wearing a mock prison uniform, ran the City of North York for 25 years, and then immediately following ran the amalgamated City of Toronto, comprising of 2.5 Million people, for two 3 year terms. During his 6 years running one of the largest cities in North America, his gaffes included shaking hands with the leader of the Hell’s Angels, the Canadian equivalent of the mob, and in the most multicultural city in North America, asked "[why] the hell do I want to go to a place like Mombasa...I just see myself in a pot of boiling water with all these natives dancing around me." Holy fucking shit, that is just nuts.

Anyways, if you come out to vote you’ll see me and the other 32% of Torontonians that actually get off their ass and rush home to the local school gymnasium to check the box for their least objectionable choice (or fill in the arrow, or whatever skill-testing geometry-based quiz they are running now). Long live democracy, or whatever the fuck this crap is called.


JMcE said...

So it becomes american politics where we either vote against someone, or vote for the least incompetent.

At least we can count the ballots properly, without the drama.

JohnnyM said...

I voted today. The volunteers included several people who appeared to be over 80, and one midget. Awesome.

pchrist said...

Interesting side note: I met Mel Lastman the night of the infamous 'Hell's Handshake' at Shopsy's on Front. He was eating dinner with Case Ootes (deputy mayor at the time)...two hours later he made headlines.

jmce said...

SO am i the only person who reads this stuff that doest work at JTC INC?

JohnnyM said...

Obviously not. I quote an e-mail I received just today: "I'm so enthralled with the blog...The HR and eMoron cards are priceless."

With feedback like that, and with our AdSense revenue sky-rocketing, I can definitely put the finishing touches on my resignation letter from my (non-fake) job.

jmce said...

go out with a bang... you want people to say "Man, now that guy was fired!"