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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Condom Conundrum

This past weekend one of my friends asked to borrow my car, not owning a car himself and needing to drive his girlfriend to her relative’s home out of town. At the time, this request seemed routine and low risk, so I had no hesitation in letting him use the car.

Last night was the first time I used the car since it was borrowed. As I opened the top of the arm rest compartment to find a lighter, I saw something I didn't expect; A condom was just sitting there, in its wrapper, unused, ready and waiting.

Condoms are a funny thing. Attached to these little packages of contraceptive joy is latent intent: a condom isn’t a passive device. Its presence anywhere implies the possibility that sex will, or has occurred within the immediate proximity. For instance, they hand them out at university residences, nightclubs and swingers parties (so I’ve heard), and they don’t hand them out at work, at the gym or at church.

The key difference between these two groups of locales is the level of sexual activity. I consider this fact, along with past experience, supporting of a correlation between sexual activity and condom availability. My main concern is this: what group of locale does my car fit into when my friend is driving it.

The incident leaves me with a lot of residual questions. Regardless of what could be hypothesized to have occurred in the reclined seat of my hatchback, I’m a little confused as to why anything would have occurred. Said friend lives with his girlfriend, which would provide them ample opportunities for being in the vicinity of condoms. Was it some kind sexual fantasy throwback to summer nights in high school? And finally, I find it a little disrespectful that he would have done this in my car. I mean, it’s not like when I borrowed his bike during the summer, I pulled over into the park and masturbated on it.

It was a difficult situation too, finding that condom. I was headed out to pick up two teammates for hockey when I found it. Often said teammates will go into the same arm rest to get a lighter. I was concerned that they would suffer from a similar confusion to which I’ve expressed above, and perhaps lead them to think I was as odd as my friend, who enjoys a little tilt steering with his coitus. However, as mentioned earlier, the condom conundrum is that it’s appearance implies sex, so I was fearful of how to dispose of it. For example, putting it in my pocket might work, but what if the worst happened, I forgot it there, and my girlfriend (who doesn’t use condoms) found it in the wash?

My final conundrum is what to do. Do I approach my friend honestly and ask him why he fucked his girlfriend in my car? And if he didn’t, ask him why in his mind does my car double as contraceptive storage? Or do I just let it rest, don’t say anything. Either way, it’s not going to be easy.

1 comment:

JMcE said...

At least it was still in the package.