The company sent me into the field to report yet again, this time to the Scottish music festival T in the Park. Camping in the rural fields of Scotland would itself be a delightful trip, but couple that experience with 80,000 rabid, drugged up Scottish music fans and you’ve got yourself a hell of a weekend. Unfortunately, having been so busy polluting my own body, I didn’t have time to send a postcard and hence am just reporting now. So, in classic WTF fashion, here’s a rundown of some of the highlights:
WTF Factor: Gagging
15% alcohol + more caffeine than several cans of red bull + tastes like Red Wine's dirty cousin + cheap as chips = best seller among Neds and generally the entire Scottish concert-going population.
Throwing pints over the crowd
WTF Factor: Closing eyes and sighing
It’s not only that these assholes toss their full pint in the air to spray down on people's heads, it’s the fact that they paid around eight bucks Canadian a pint to do so.
Throwing pints of urine over the crowd
WTF Factor: Closing eyes and crying
Seriously, sometimes it wasn’t beer. Fucking animals.
Peeing anywhere
WTF Factor: Smirk
Most were mannered enough to do it at the fences, however one dude just took it out and pissed in the crowd at center stage. I felt like I was in a herd of cows.
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Women peeing anywhere
WTF Factor: Disturbing eroticism
It might be a little sexist, but I somehow find this more shocking, mostly due to the complexities created by obvious anotomical differences. There were two levels here; “Classy”: using a P-mate (holy shit I could write en entire article on this instructional page alone), or “Ultra-Classy”: squatting in the open, with your creamed clam exposed.
Dying at the concert
I mean, it was the time of my life, but getting stabbed 11 times, isn’t going to get you fame. Just have a campfire, get wasted and go to bed like the rest of us.
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