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Monday, June 02, 2008

JTC Hotness Contest, Volume 2: Bette Midler vs. Barbara Streisand

My co-board member Pchrist recently saw what he thought was a picture of Bette Midler. Being totally into that genre of music (and steeped in gayness), JohnnyM promptly corrected him, indicating that it was in fact Barbara Streisand. Given the many similarities between these 60-something Jewish goddesses, I can see how Pchrist mistook one for the other. So, following the inspiring (and somewhat gay) path that JohnnyM has blazed (flamed?), I'll attempt to show the subtle differences between these aging songstresses, and through the course of that exercise, decide who is hotter.

Hotness Category 1 - Nickname

Bette: "The Devine Miss M"
Barbara: "Babs"

Edge: Obviously "Babs".

Hotness Category 2 - Jewishness

Bette: Known to pepper her speech with yiddish
Barbara: Won't even press elevator buttons on Sabbath

Edge: Barbara, by a schtickle.

Hotness Category 3 - Singing voice

Bette: Sultry, with occasional schtick
Barbara: It's not without it's chutzpah

Edge: I want to be the wind beneath Midler's wings.

Hotness Category 4 - Nose

Bette: Average
Barbara: Schnozzle

Edge: Babs.

Hotness Category 5 - Trunk

Bette: Juicy
Barbara: What a Tuschus!

Edge: Streisand.

Simple math: it's 4-1 Babs. Mazal Tov, you hot, hot yenta.

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