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Sunday, May 11, 2008

Coachella Hotness Contest: Emily Haines vs. Richard Ashcroft

During JTC's recent sojurn to Southern California for the Coachella Arts and Music Festival, there were a few bands that we were quite looking forward to seeing play live. For me, the biggest draw was probably The Verve; CoCo was quite smitten with Metric.

Following these bands' performances, it became apparent that we were interested in perhaps more than just the music (although I defy any musical artist to open a set better than ripping into "This Is Music", like The Verve did). No, no - we were also quite taken with the lead singers of the respective bands. To settle the argument, I have decided to declare the first ever JTC Hotness Contest.

Step right up, peeps - it's Emily Haines of Metric versus Richard Ashcroft of The Verve:



Hotness Category #1 - Torso Attire
Haines: May not have been wearing a bra
Ashcroft: Definitely not wearing a bra (I saw nipple!)
Edge: Ashcroft
Hotness Category #2 - Footwear
Haines: No one could remember
Ashcroft: None. All that hotness has to escape somewhere
Edge: Ashcroft
Hotness Category #3 - Haircut*
Haines: "Could use a trim"
Ashcroft: "Looks way better with his hair like that"
* Quotes are courtesy of my CHP
Edge: Ashcroft

Hotness Category #4 - Smitten JTC Board Member
Haines: CoCo T. Monkey
Ashcroft: JohnnyM
Edge: Ashcroft
Hotness Category #5 - Aging?
Haines: Yes
Ashcroft: Gracefully
Edge: Ashcroft
Hotness Category #6 - Genitalia Location
Haines: Internal
Ashcroft: External
Edge: Haines (DAMMIT!)

So there you have it - through this totally scientific process, Ashcroft wins by a clear margin of 5-1.

I'm pretty sure CoCo has sex with men, and this is gayer than that,
JohnnyM

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

if i'm not mistaken, you people are SO MUCH better then stuffwhitepeoplelike, thank you for making the day of a bored worker.

JohnnyM said...

Oh anonymous,

I couldn't agree with you more. Now, if you could just tell 29 Million of your friends, and get us a book deal, we'll show the world what the boys at JTC are made of!

Love,
JohnnyM

lisa said...

i will try, if i have to i will sell an egg to a woman who can't produce and pay for it myself

JohnnyM said...

Lisa,

I think we'd envisioned more of some sort of grass roots e-mail campaign, but if you feel that selling your eggs (or other body parts!) could help increase our readership, or make us fabulously rich, then I can't encourage you enough.

JohnnyM

lisa said...

well selling the egg was to publish your book

Coco The Monkey said...

Lisa, we appreciate the egg selling. Human, chicken, osterich - whatever it takes to make a buck, we condone it.

JohnnyM - WTF is with the picture you chose for Emily Haines? If you had used this one:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/26601743@N08/2517451386/sizes/l/

It really wouldn't have been a contest. Check out that ass - quitting? It Can't. It won't.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with coco, Haines is way hotter. The judge of this contest is completely (hilariously) biased.

Anonymous said...

Emily is hooooooooooooooooot! Why are you even comparing a dude with a chick...?