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Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The chronicle of the traveling pants

The saga has come to an end, with Coco coming out on top and with a brand new pair of pants. I probably could've taken Gehan to task with the horrendous spelling in the last email, but I opted to end it quietly instead.

-----Original Message-----
From: Bernice Heard
Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2007 4:35 AM
To: Monkey, Coco T.
Subject: RE: Missing Laundry

Ok you win! Can’t have you destroying the planet due to my liking for fine Canadian tailoring! The issue will be resolved today.

(please note that the banter is not of my usual high customer relations standards;-) )

Have yourself a lovely evening.

Bernice Heard
Customer Relations Manager

Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this email?

-----Original Message-----
From: Gehan Eriyagama
Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2007 11:52 AM
To: Monkey, Coco T.
Cc: Bernice Heard
Subject: Laundry

Dear Mr Monkey,

Please firstly let me apologise for the inconvenience you have suffered regarding the wait for your pants. I can promise you this is not the service we usually offer to our guests. I am committed to resolving this situation as fast as possible. Could you please confirm some details with me to help speed up the process.

What colour were the pants?
What make were the pants?
Who collected the pants from your room?

Thank you for your assistance and patience Mr Monkey. I will endeavour to put a close to this matter ASAP.

Kind Regards Gehan

-----Original Message-----
From: Monkey, Coco T.
Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2007 3:47 PM
To: Gehan Eriyagama
Cc: Bernice Heard
Subject: RE: Laundry

Dear Gehan,

I’ve come to realize that the subject garment is definitely not a pair of “pants”, per your regional dialect, but is rather a pair of ‘trousers’. They are a green colour – I’d put the shade somewhere in between “I can’t believe you lost my pants olive” and “I wonder how often you guys screw up like this forest”.

They are made by Banana Republic, which is a subsidiary of Gap Inc., not a Latin American country that is politically unstable, dependent on limited agriculture, and ruled by a small, self-elected, wealthy and corrupt clique.

Due to the urgency in which I needed the pantaloons returned, I was instructed to drop them off at the front desk in a hotel-provided garment bag (which might as well have been a body bag for trousers, evidently). I’m assuming they were put out with the trash.

After reading your questions, I’d rate myself as “concerned”, “frustrated”, and “ruggedly handsome”.

If the hotel doesn’t know where the trousers are, why would the hotel wait weeks to respond to my calls and emails? We were hoping the problem, ie. the owner of said trousers, would just go away?

I can assure you, Ms. Gehan, this is definitely not the case.


-----Original Message-----
From: Gehan Eriyagama
Sent: Friday, August 24, 2007 6:54 AM
To: Monkey, Coco T.
Cc: Bernice Heard
Subject: RE: Laundry

Hi Coco,

Unfortunately I can not find your trousers, I hold my hands up as we are at fault. I would like to pay for a replacement pair. Could you buy a new pair and either scan the receipt and email it to me or post it to me on the below address.

The Paramount Carlton Hotel
North Bridge
EH1 1 SD

If you pass your credit card details to me I will have the amount refunded to your card. Thanks Coco for your patients and understanding. I apologise for any inconvenience and will try and resolve this from my end as fast as possible,

Thanks again Gehan

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