Welcome to JTC Inc.

Chaps: because if they had an ass, they'd just be called pants.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

"Bathing" "the" "cat"

I don’t understand women. Never have – never will. I actually have an all-encompassing theory that “all chicks are nuts”, but this seems to cause more tension when I bring it up with the ladies (thus leading to further craziness), so I tend to keep it to myself these days.

One of the things that I really don’t understand about women is their excitement over marriage. As we all know – marriage is a man-made prison. You’re doing time! Anyway, a girl who I work with is getting married shortly, and for some reason, the females in our department thought it would be a good idea to have a “marriage countdown”.

This countdown consisted of cards on a corkboard, that the bride to be would turn over each day. On the other side of the card would be some sort of whimsical phrase, reminding her of the joys she has to look forward to now that her relationship has entirely changed and been validated thanks to a piece of paper.

If at any point while reading the last paragraph, you rolled your eyes, congrats – you’re my kind of person.

Anyway, I was walking by the board today, and this is what was written on the latest card:

“You’ll have someone to bathe ‘the cat’”

Now, this caused me to do a slight double take. Why was ‘the cat’ in quotes? All of the previous cards had been like, “You’ll always have someone to cuddle”, and similar such shit. Was it possible that we had now ventured into the realm of thinly veiled sexual references? I quickly sought out PChrist to get his opinion. He informed me that apparently this girl actually has a cat (we’re talking a feline pet here, just to be clear) that sheds a lot, and needs to be bathed frequently (keep your mind out of the gutter – it’s a house pet, people!)

I thought back to some previous conversations I had enjoyed with the bride to be, and I recalled her mentioning her cat, and its furriness. WAIT! Could it be she was talking about her…no, no. It can’t be. Can it?

I am damn confused.


JohnnyM said...

This is pure fucking comedic gold. Really.

P.S. JohnnyM - you're hot. Really.

Coco The Monkey said...

Other great options for cards that were discussed after reading this posting:

1. "Your cat" smells
2. I can smell "your cat" from here
3. I sneeze every time I smell “your cat”
4. "Your cat" just peed on the floor

There were many others. Good times.

JohnnyM said...

Because I'm at the computer, and the notebook is downstairs (and because I'm very, very lazy) I'm going to record a couple of the nuggets of gold that came up last night right here:
- NHL uniforms getting tighter and smaller to the point where the jerseys are croptops and the pants are Daisy Dukes
- Hot laptop lesbian action (female to female port connections)