Coming to a head

In my particular work environment, a soul-crushing cube farm where several dozen male employees share the same bathroom, certain unspoken etiquette within those facilities is called for. This topic has been widely written about, so I won’t venture into the details of this silent code except to say that if you are unfamiliar with it, you’re likely one of the abnormal specimens the policy was written for.

The code should be part of mandatory employee testing. As I said, I don’t want to get into it, but I’ve witnessed countless infractions in the past few months (such as a complete lack of attempt to cover up errant noises by flushing/coughing, attempting conversation mid-urination, and unnecessary delay time while those in stalls wait for a private moment).

Just now, I witnessed an outlandish violation of the code that has left me a little disgusted, and my bathroom experience that much creepier. As I walked in, some dude took a giant wad of paper towel, soaked it, turned to face me with a blank stare, and then proceeded to a stall, locking himself in. There were noises.

It’s not supposed to be like this. Not like this.